J is on her walk

I was going to re-word this to post it, but I think it might be best to just use it word-for-word.

J is on her walk this weekend. I'll get to see her tonight at the candlelight service, and pick her up tomorrow. I can't wait for her to tell me how this weekend impacted her, and to re-experience it all with her as she tells me.

When I came back from my walk, I sent this email to a set of special friends. J won't see it until she gets back, so I can post it now;


Emmaus thoughts

I'm going to post these thoughts on my blog, but I don't want J to see it (yet). I know that there will be more to say after J's walk also, as we share our feelings with each other (I can't wait).

Growing up, I learned to suppress my feelings. I haven't un-learned that yet. So, while I might not manifest my feelings in a way that others can see, they are there.

There was so much I wanted to say during the close, but I couldn't collect all my thoughts. I wanted to say that I grew up feeling like I didn't deserve Gods' love, and that I pushed Him away. I knew that Jesus had given His life to save the world, but I don't know how much I let myself be a part of that. I still have trouble accepting gifts.

I think I might have been hiding behind the podium when I held up the agape gift from you all, but I wanted to say (now) how much it meant to me to have your names hanging with my name badge for the weekend.

I've kept most of the agape gifts hidden from J, we'll look at them together later. I was wearing the cross when I came home, and J noticed it. I let her believe that it was just one of the things I got this weekend (you know, no big deal) - but when we were told that our sponsors had held the crosses and prayed for us the night before, I actually gasped (wow, how demonstrative, eh?). I'm having trouble even now just typing this.

Your agape gift was the most meaningful to me for most of the weekend, but when I was given the cross .... I still don't know how to describe it. As others were being given their cross, I had my hand around mine. I don't know how to say how much I appreciate you all for how you demonstrated Gods' love to me.

I'm going to send this now, because my thoughts still are definitely not all collected. I just wanted you all to know how much I appreciate you guys for getting me there, and for being an active part of my walk.

God loves you, and so do I!

In Christ,

R

If you would like to be reminded of God's love for you, I can think of no better way than to go on a "Walk to Emmaus".